Present 

“Ricky, please wake up! Ricky, shhhhh, you are having a bad dream. It is okay, nananaginip ka lang.” Maya said softly while shaking Ricky’s shoulder gently.

Maya woke up when Ricky cried out in his sleep. He seemed to be very much in distress, judging by the tone of his voice. He actually cried out her name. It was what woke her up from her sleep. At first, she was disoriented on where she was, then she looked around, and at the other bed. She saw Ricky tossing and turning and mumbling ‘Maya’ over and over. When he wouldn’t wake up even if she called him several times, she approached his bed and shook him gently.

Ricky slowly opened his eyes, looked at his surroundings, disoriented, feeling very tired and very sad. Then he saw Maya hovering over him, sitting by the side of his bed nearest to hers, with a very concerned expression on her lovely face.

“Maya….” He sat up, then realized where he was, actually. He was in the room in the hotel in Vigan that he was sharing with Maya. He spontaneously hugged Maya as if to check if she is real, and for comfort.  Suddenly, things are not so bad anymore. Maya hugged him back and patted his back, offering comfort. She kept assuring him, that everything is okay.

“Ricky, how are you? I heard you crying out in your sleep. Ginising na kita kasi parang you were having a really bad dream.” Maya said, touching his face, after a while, when she gauged that his breathing has returned to normal. “Parang feeling ko nga, binabangugot ka na.”

“Maya, I’m sorry for waking you up, and thank you sa paggising. Pasensya ka na. Yes, it was a really bad dream. Hindi lang bad, dream, sobrang lungkot pa, and yes, para siyang bangungot. Hindi ko alam why I have dreamed of our grandparents saying goodbye to each other on their last days at the beach house. It was so vivid. Parang nandoon ako, Maya, and I was really experiencing the whole thing.” Ricky told Maya as he hugged her tighter, then he told her about his dream in details.

Maya didn’t interrupt him. She can feel his lingering distress and sadness as he told her about the dream, as if he was really in that dream. She just offered comfort by touching his hands and his arm, from time to time. What Ricky was narrating was familiar to her as well. When Ricky was finished telling her the details of his dream, she cupped his distressed, and very sad, face.

“Ricky, it is familiar as that was what basically happened when our grandparents parted.” Maya said softly, gently. “You dreamed of what your Lolo Ricardo wrote in the journal. Parang pumasok na siguro sa consciousness mo ang nabasa mo sa journal, na-internalize mo na! Parang nandoon ka na kasi iyan ang paglalarawan ng lolo mo sa nangyari sa last days nila ng Lola Maya ko. I felt the same the first time I read the entries in the journal too. Hanggang panaginip nadala ko, and for several days, feeling ko nandoon ako sa past and sobrang affected.”

Ricky was startled to learn that, and blurted out, “But Maya, I haven’t reached that part of the journal! Nandoon pa lang ako sa part na nabanggit ko sa iyo while we were having coffee and chatting in Sta. Maria!”

“Really! Pero…..pero, the way you told it to me, ganoon talaga ang nangyari sa journal! How could it be, that you know even without reading it?” It was Maya’s turn to be surprised, then a thought occurred to her, one which she was reluctant to believe in actually, but how best to explain what is happening.

“ Hindi kaya….but that can’t be, di ba? Posible ba talaga iyon na…? I am not her!” She whispered almost to herself.  She entertained the thought before, but she discarded the idea before. While, she loved the grandmother she had not fortunate to meet or spend time with, she believes that she is her own person.

“That I was relieving it because I was really Lolo Ricardo in my past life?” Ricky finished for her. He had heard about it reincarnation, of course, more than read about the topic. Lorraine is into those, as well as into believing in soul mates, past lives and the likes. but he considers those topics as bits of a mumbo jumbos. “ That I was his reincarnation, and that probably you are your grandmother’s? That somehow, meeting you here in Ilocos, the place where it all started beautifully and ended sadly, and reading the journal, triggered the onslaught of the past for us?”

“Naniniwala ka doon?” Maya asked, astonished to hear it from Ricky. She never thought that he believes in that.

“Not really. But I had an ex-girlfriend who believes in those things.” Ricky said, simply. “But how do we explain that dream and also the deja vu I have been experiencing since I stepped into the beach house and meeting you?”

Then he continued, “You know earlier in the church, I had a deja vu too. I felt like we were there before and that we were about to kiss. It was what happened between our grandparents in my dream, di ba! They were there too, in that church! Besides, I have this feeling that I have known you a long time! Di ba, you told me that you also had deja vu moments, like when you are holding a paint brush and you are in your grandmother’s studio?”

“Yes, but I thought I was just remembering what I have read in the journal. I have read it countless of times. And yes, noong una kong nabasa iyan, sobrang affected din ako and napanaginipan ang mga nabasa ko, and talagang parang I was there. Pero that was after I have read it!” Maya insisted. “Besides, I was reluctant to believe in those kinds of things. Yes, there are really things we can’t explain in this world, but this!…. Yes, I have those deja vu moments, pero…. ”

“I don’t know what to think, Maya. Yes, there are so many things happening in this world that we can’t really fathom, no matter how we much we look for answers and try to understand. You know, to make a logical or a rational explanation out of it. Yes, I will admit, had I met you under different circumstances, I would still be drawn to you, attracted to you. You are beautiful, and as I get to know you, not only that, you are lovely inside out. I feel very happy when I’m with you even if I just met you.”

“Ricky….” Maya blushed. She was not expecting Ricky to say that. At the back of her mind, she also remembered him mentioning an ex-girlfriend earlier.

“It is true, Maya.” Ricky said, gazing at Maya. There he said is. He was not intending to, not this early, he just wanted her to know and to drive a point. He then opted to go back to the topic they were discussing earlier as he suddenly realized that his intense attraction to her is a dangerous topic to bring up when they were in that situation – in the middle of the night and alone in that beautiful room, and her looking so lovely in her sleep-tousled state. Besides, he does not want Maya to be uncomfortable and he promised her that he will be a gentleman.

“Basta ang alam ko sobrang lungkot ko sa panaginip ko.” Ricky said, still hugging Maya. “Parang hindi ko rin ma-discount ang reincarnation na iyan, outright. Come to think of it, both of us were born after our grandparents died di ba, so posible iyon. But let’s leave it at that. Mahirap ipaliwanag and I don’t think we will get answers now. Pakiramdam ko lang, I’m so tired and unsettled.”

“True, pero tama ka, let’s leave at that. Do you want water, Ricky?” Maya asked, seeing that Ricky looked thirsty and quite tired, really. “Sandali, ikukuha kita. Sorry, I forgot earlier! Nag-worry ako ng husto sa iyo.”

“Maya, I can do it.” Ricky insisted, and was about to get out of the bed when Maya stopped him with her hand on his forearm.

Maya got out of Ricky’s embrace, and bed, walked to the small fridge in the corner and grabbed one of the bottled water there. She gave the water to Ricky and sat down on her bed, facing him.

“Thank you again, Maya, very much.” Ricky said after taking several sips. “I don’t usually dream like this. I don’t know what happened to me. I feel drained talaga. Mabuti na lang nandiyan ka.”

“It’s okay, Ricky. I’m glad to be here when this happened. Minsan kasi siguro nadadala natin sa subconscious mind natin ang nangyari sa atin sa totoong buhay.” Maya replied.

“I agree. I’m okay na. Please go back to sleep na. Pati tulog mo na-interrupt ko.” Ricky said. “I think I’ll really be okay na. Lalo na nandiyan ka lang sa kabilang bed.” He added with a smile. “Pahinga ka na. Marami pa tayong pupuntahan bukas.”

“If you are sure, ha.” Maya said, sliding down her bed and arranging her comforter around her. She put her hand on her cheek, then faced Ricky “Basta if you need me,  or hindi ka pa makatulog and you need someone to talk to, gisingin mo lang ako ha. Good night Ricky. Sweet dreams this time.”

“Good night, Maya. Thank you. Just the fact that you are there, beside me, comforted me na. I’m sure makakatulog na ako ng maayos and will have a sweet dream this time.” Ricky said, giving Maya one of his bone-melting lopsided smiles. “Sweet dreams!”

They shared a sweet smile, while gazing at each other tenderly, until Maya got a bit self-conscious again.  Hand, still cradling her cheek, she closed her eyes with a smile on her face.

Before long, Ricky heard her steady breathing, signifying that she was in sleep land. He was really grateful for her presence. He smiled. She really looks so beautiful. He likes her a lot. What he said to Maya earlier was the truth. He was intensely attracted to her, drawn to her in a way he can’t explain. He just want to be with her and he was immensely happy when he is with her, like his heart is singing. It was a feeling he didn’t feel with Lorraine, despite the fact that he had known her practically their entire lives and that they have been together for several years. It was, he realized, something missing in their relationship, this connection he has with Maya. He settled back into his bed and instead of dwelling on his bad dream, and Lorraine, he remembered his wonderful evening, earlier, with Maya.

Maya and him managed to find everything they needed at the shopping complex near the cathedral and the provincial capitol. They took their stuffs back to the hotel, and freshened up. The room was quite big for the two of them, beautifully decorated in wood and other native materials, the beds, looking so soft and inviting, a big LED TV on the wall, between the beds. Maya chose the bed nearest to the door and he took the one after it, near the bathroom.

Maya told him to use the bathroom first as she need to arrange her things and do other women stuffs, she added with a smile. When she came out of the bathroom an hour later, he caught his breath. She looked so lovely in the printed skirt and white blouse that she found in one of the shops. He told her so, and saw her blushed. He noticed it before. It does look so adorable and refreshing when she does that.

They had dinner at an inn near their hotel which offers quite a variety of mouth-watering Ilocano food. They chatted with ease while having dinner. Afterwards, hands intertwined without intending to, they walked along then deserted Calle Crisologo, as well as around the capitol and the plaza in front of the Vigan Cathedral, to shake off the heaviness in the tummies they felt after bingeing on their very splendid dinner. From time to time, they would smile at something they observed as they walked, or simply gave each other a look, a smile, as if to say how happy they are to be with each other, and to be sharing those moments. At least, on his part that’s what he felt. He thought Maya also felt that way, enjoying his company! He hoped so.

The two of them retired to their room around midnight. At first, Ricky thought he would not be able to sleep, too aware of Maya. She slept readily, while he opted to read a bit. It was a good thing he has a book in his phone’s Kindle app, diverting enough to take his mind away from Maya and her lovely self sleeping on the other bed like a babe. He tired himself and finally managed to succumb to that restless sleep and had that terribly sad dream.

It was a good thing, really, that Maya was there. His earlier dream really disturbed him. But he didn’t want to think about it now. Instead he focused his attention on Maya and the continuation of their adventure in the morning. After Vigan and the other areas they are planning to see, he knows where to take Maya in Pagudpud. He just need to make a phone call to make it happen. He smiled. Happy with his plan, and hopes Maya will like it as well.

Taking one more look at Maya’s sleeping form in a fetal position. She really looks adorable when she sleeps, he smiled then succumbed to sleep again and this time, he dreamed of Maya and him locked in a passionate kiss, in a beach, while watching the sun setting on the horizon. It was a very lovely dream, indeed!

Chapter 8

June 20, 1966

Maya and I almost kissed! I tossed and turned that night, replaying that moment in my head, and thinking of what happened after that near kiss in front of the bell tower of the majestic Sta. Maria Church in Bantay where we heard mass that morning! 

It was almost a week by then since Maya and I met each other, a meeting that really changed our lives forever. We spent most of those days with each other. There was just us and this seemingly unquenchable thirst to know every little detail about each other, to spend every moment possible together, as if at the back of our minds, somehow, we knew that were on borrowed time. Though most of those times, I tried to forget that I have another life other than the wonderful one I was having with Maya. It consumed my being. By then I knew that I love her with all my heart. I never felt like that before and I never thought that I would feel like that, like my whole being was on fire for this beautiful and wonderful lady. She was my world and I was like on an all time high when I was with her, even if we were just spending it by the veranda of either of our houses, sipping coffee as we watched the sun to set. I was not completely sure, but I felt that she has feelings for me as well, and that too had fallen in love with me. What I was feeling then can’t be unreciprocated as it was so overwhelming. However, as if by tacit agreement, we never talk about what we really feel for each other. I for one, just decided to show her how I feel about her, through my gestures, my deeds, and by spending most of my waking moment with her. 

When most of the churchgoers have left, we decided to walk around the church grounds, marvelling at the view before us and the ingenuity of the people who have built this beautiful structure dedicated to God and the spiritual well-being of the people of Sta. Maria and the nearby areas! 

We were gazing at the bell tower which was built separately from the church, when suddenly, out of nowhere, a child of about seven, run towards Maya and shyly told her that she is very pretty, like a manika. Maya stopped down, smiled at the little girl and asked her what’s her name. The girl told her that her name is Miriam. Before long, Miriam’s mother came running and apologized profusely, saying that her daughter thought Maya is a doll as she looks so pretty in her long flowing skirt, embroidered blouse, and with her hair loose. She wanted a closer look and wanted to touch the ‘talking doll’. Maya assured the embarrassed mother that it was okay for Miriam to do so, and that she likes Miriam, affectionately ruffling the little girl’s hair, and hugging her as the little girl touched her face. Maya gave the little girl some candies she had in her bag and asked her to wait a bit as she had a treat for it. She got the sketch pad from her bag and draw the little girl, much to her delight and also her mother. 

While this was happening, I was just gazing at Maya and admired how she interacted with the little girl, thinking that she would make a very good mother, and that she is, indeed a very beautiful person inside out, and very caring one too. I wish then that it was our own little girl she was hugging and sketching. 

When Miriam, clutching her sketch, and her mother left, Maya caught me gazing at her intently. She told me she called my attention as I was so deep into my thoughts. Thoughts actually of her and a little girl who looks like her, and maybe a boy who is the spitting image of me, but there is also a bit of his beautiful mother in him.

Maya had to call my attention several times and had to touch my arm, before I was jolted out of that dream and back to where we were. I smiled at her and told her softly that she is very beautiful, inside out, and that she will make a good mother. Maya blushed. We gazed at each other and before we knew it, as if there was a strong force pushing us, our faces got closer and closer to each other. I cupped her chin, angling to kiss her, and then because I can’t help myself, I whispered to her that I love her very much. She was startled, I can see it in her eyes, but didn’t say much, instead I saw love in her eyes after the initial surprise at my words, which she was not expecting I would say at that moment, I guessed. However, before our lips finally met for the first time, several people arrived at where we were, catching their breaths from climbing the 80 plus steps leading to the front of the church.

We looked at each other again, both unsure of that to do next. I took matters into my own hands. I felt that moment that Maya and I needed to talk as it was the first time I declared my feelings for her openly. She must have felt the same as she didn’t protest or say anything when I guided her towards the side of the church overlooking the mountains of Abra. We sat on the low wall, and for several minutes, we stared at the beautiful scenery before in silence, as if absorbing the momentous event that happened in front of the church. With those words that I uttered, the world we created shifted.

Taking a deep breath, I forged on, cupping her chin and looking deeply into her expressive and beautiful eyes, I told Maya that I meant what I have said earlier, that I love her very much, that I have fallen in love with her. That for the first time in my life I am in love, with her, even if I am not free to do so. I heard her catch her breath, then teary-eyed and with a soft, shaky voice, she told me that she felt the same. She confessed that she love me too and that despite everything, she had fallen in love with me. Hearing her said she loves me too was like music to my ears. However, after she did, she got sad, and told me that we can’t be, that there would be no us as it would mean hurting and disappointing our loved ones and that she can’t have it that her happiness would be built at the expense of others, that the two of us had indeed found a love, she knows would last a lifetime as she never felt the feeling she has for be in her entire life, but it happened at the wrong time. 

In my rational mind, I know that what she said was right. But my heart says otherwise. There was a part of me that wanted to forsake everything just to be able to spend the rest of my life with her. We hugged each other, and held hands as we quietly contemplated our situation. My heart sang knowing that she loves me too. But at the same time, I felt this overwhelming sadness that we can’t be, she was right, my rational self admitted. After a while, I told her that I just want to make most of the time I have with her if that is all I will have. It has to last me a lifetime, it has to last us a lifetime. Sometimes, it was not really a matter of how long the moment lasted, I told her, but how that moment was spent. She squeezed my hand and nodded, understanding that our short, intense moment was better than a lifetime of nothing. We decided to live for the moment and squeeze life of every moment we can have with each other. 

From the Sta. Maria church, we traveled to Vigan and nearby areas, putting in more memories for our treasure box of memories, something to remember in the years to come, something to treasure when we finally say goodbye. We returned to our place by the beach late that evening and had dinner at my house. But instead of ending the night after that dinner, and as if we were very reluctant to part that night, we camped out under the stars, chatting and just enjoying each other’s company. When it gotten so cold and, she was almost half-asleep in my arms, I took her home. I hugged her, then squeezed her hand tight, kissed it and uttered a soft good night before I reluctantly left her for the night, consoling myself with the fact that I will see her again the following morning and that we will have several more days together before the inevitability of our parting. 

I spent most of the night tossing and turning and feeling very restless, for some reason I can’t explain. When I managed to fall asleep I was plagued by a series of dream. At one time, I dreamed that Maya and I were walking in the very beach where we met, carrying two beautiful toddlers, a boy and a girl, our twins. Our twins were so happy seeing the waves crashing to shore and then rolling again. We let them play in the sand and help build a big sand castle. I woke up suddenly and got a bit disoriented as to where I was since the dream was so vivid. 

I forced myself to fall asleep again as when I checked the time, it was just three o’clock in the morning. This time I have dreamed that I saw Maya walking along the beach, but away from me. I called her, several times, but she didn’t seem to hear me and continued walking towards the opposite direction, until she disappeared into the night. I woke up drenched in sweat and feeling very distressed. I felt so tired. I didn’t realize then that was a foreboding of what was coming.   

The next thing I knew, there was a knock on my door and I felt very tired. I remembered feeling a heaviness in my heart which I can’t explain. I checked the clock and realize that I overslept. It was already 10 o’clock in the morning. Manang Felicing told me, when I opened the door, that Maya was downstairs, waiting for me. I smiled and felt lighter. Maya was there and knowing that, dispelled the bad feelings I was having.  

When I went down, I immediately sought Maya where I knew she would be, eager to catch a glimpse of her. True enough, she was standing by the veranda, looking out the beautiful view before her. As if sensing my presence, she turned, but instead of the sunniest smile, one that lit up and transformed her face, that she gives me every time we see each other, her face was etched with sadness. I also noticed that she was dressed more formally, as if she was about to take a long trip. Beside her propped against the wall was rectangular material. It looked like one of her canvases.

Maya gave me a sad smile, hugged me tight and told that she is going back to Manila that morning. Her father has sent their family driver the night before and asked her to return to Manila as soon as she can as her fiance is in the hospital. He had an accident and in a serious condition. Hearing that, I felt the heaviness I was feeling doubled. I knew then that it was the end for the two of us. She touched my face, saying softly, sadly, that maybe it was better this way as it would have been so much harder for the two of us, to part, that maybe, fate has intervened as we were not meant to be. She told me, that maybe in another lifetime we will meet again, we will seek each other again, and we will be free then to love one another. She told me that she will not love another and that I will be forever in her heart. I professed the same to her. My heart was breaking into million pieces. 

I told her I will love her until to my dying days and if finding her in another lifetime is possible, that is the first thing I will do. I hope that fate will be kinder to the two of us then. I embraced her tight, holding on to her and not wanting to let her go. I then cupped her face and lowered my lips to her. We kissed, and kissed as there was no tomorrow, putting our feelings in those, letting each other know of our love for each other with the fusion of our physical selves. With tears flowing from her eyes, and mine too, we kissed one last time, before she said a soft goodbye. I walked her to the car that would take her away from me, forever. I stayed at the gate of the beach house, long after the dust has settled, and I can’t see the sight of my beautiful love. 

I went back to the veranda. I never knew how I made it back there in the state I was in. I felt like I died a thousand times. I sank into the wicker chair, shell shock. My gaze caught the object that Maya left there. We never gotten around to looking at it or her telling me about it. My name was on the Manila paper protecting it, and when I removed the wrapper, I gasped. It was a painting of me, the one Maya was working on, but refused to show me, no matter how I teased her about it. It was an image of me I have not seen, a happy, carefree me, looking out of the canvas, with so much love on my eyes, to the person I was gazing at, my beautiful Maya. Unknowingly, Maya has captured it in her canvas. It was obvious that she saw a part of me that no one had seen before, and that the painting was done with love. I saw her name scrawled on the bottom of the painting. I touched it reverently, lovingly, sadly. With tears in my eyes, I stared at the painting for how long, I can’t remember. I mourned, until deep into the night, the love that was not meant to be. I didn’t sleep at all.

Two days after Maya left, I packed my bags too and returned Manila. I just can’t bear to stay in that place anymore. Everything was bleak, as if the place was leached of all colors when she left. I tried walking along the beach, trying to think of our happy memories together, instead of the sadness of our parting, but I failed miserably. All I felt was this immense sadness. Taking with me the painting and the photos that the photographer delivered the day after Maya left, I headed back to my reality. A whole lifetime without her! How I still miss her so!

Chapter 7

Maya walked around the grounds of the majestic Sta. Maria Church, looking for Ricky. She thought he would still be inside the church where she had left him earlier to look for a toilet. But she can’t blame him if he decided to walk around while waiting for her as she was gone for a while! It took her a long time to return to him as an old lady chatted her up after she had used the toilet. When she asked, the old lady told her some very interesting and fascinating facts about the beautiful, centuries-old church that she and Ricky have been exploring for the past hour or so. She forgot the time.

Maya saw Richard sitting on the low outer fence of the church gazing at the magnificent view before him after she walked through the old archway to the left from the front door of the church. From where he was, Maya can see up to the vast mountain range and beyond, as the church was on a hill, overlooking the whole town at one side, and the mountains on this side. Ricky looks so handsome even in profile, and Maya was unable to help herself, she took out her camera and took a photo of him, itching to sketch him like this. She was about to take another one, when Ricky, as if sensing her presence, turned and upon seeing her, gave her a beautiful, bone-melting lopsided smile. Maya pressed the button of her camera at that instant. It was the perfect shot!

“Sorry, I just have to take a photo of you. Two now, actually! “ Maya smiled at Ricky, apologetic. “You looked so serene and at peace while you gazed at that wonderful view.”

“It is okay, Maya. I don’t mind.” Ricky said smiling, standing up, then taking hold of Maya’s hand and guided her towards where he was sat earlier, facing the church this time. “Are you done? Sorry, I went out of the church. My phone rang. Then I saw this place, walked here as I attended to my call. Work. But it is okay now. I shouldn’t be disturbed for the next couple of days. It is very beautiful and peaceful here. I lost my sense of time. Besides, I know you will be able to find me.”

“Yes, sorry, natagalan ako. Napakwento kasi ako sa isang taga-rito, a retired teacher, after kong mag-bathroom. Nakakatuwa and fascinating ang mga kwento niya. Hindi ko namalayan ang oras.”

“That’s okay, Maya. Basta laid back lang naman itong lakad natin. No hurry. Kung saan tayo makarating and ano ang ma-encounter natin sa adventure natin na ito. So, what would you like to do next? Have you taken enough pictures?” Ricky asked, reluctant to leave the place where they were, actually.

“Hmmm, it’s kinda nice here. Why don’t we sit for a while and chat! Since sabi mo nga, laid back lakad ang whatever strikes our fancy. But wait lang ha.” Maya took something from her backpack, and out came a slim thermos. She also took out two styro cups from her bag. “Here, I brought us coffee. Ito iyong inihabol ni Manang Miring noong paalis na tayo kanina.”

“Wow, nagkasya ang mga iyan sa bag mo!” Ricky smiled as Maya poured him a cup of steaming coffee, then poured herself one too. “But this is wonderful Maya, especially with this breathtaking view before us and most of all, the company I’m sharing this moment with.” He finished as he gazed at her intensely. “Thank you for this Maya.”

Maya felt her face flushing. She took a big gulp of her still scalding coffee. Her heart skipping a beat! She composed herself and smiled sweetly at Ricky. “You’re welcome, Ricky. Mabuti naalala ko kaninang paalis na tayo. “

Maya turned and looked at the beautiful view before her, sat cross-legged and sighed contentedly. This is the life, she thought. This beauty, and this guy who makes my heart beat faster by my side. She was very much at peace at that moment.

Ricky was thinking the same. After the upheaval in his life recently, he never thought that he would find this tranquility, this contentment, and this was mainly because of the beautiful and vibrant lady sharing this moment with him!

Ricky and Maya chatted about every topic they could think of while sitting on the fence. At times, they would share a hearty laughter at some anecdotes the other had told. To the onlookers, they looked so happy to be together. They also thought that they were two lovers having a wonderful time.

Their moment there ended when Maya’s tummy made a hungry sound.

“Uh, oh…” She said with a smile.

“Mine too, Maya.” Ricky said. He looked at the time and realized and that it was way past their lunch time. In fact, it was almost snack time. Time passed like a blur with Maya by his side.

“Oo nga, hindi natin namalayan ang oras!” Maya remarked. She felt very happy.

“Come, let’s go for a place to it. I wonder where we can eat!”

“Hmmmm, why don’t we look around at the small restaurants I noticed below, sa kabilang part ng road, and have some empanada. I only tasted the ones from a restaurant in Manila, and also at one of the stalls at the Sunday market I sometimes go to.” Maya suggested. “For sure, mas masarap iyong mga nandito.”

“Okay. Medyo ginugutom na nga rin ako. I haven’t empanada in a while nga rin.” Richard jumped out of the fence and extended his hand to Maya. He didn’t let go of her hand while they walked towards the direction of the more than 80 steps going down.

“Wait, Ricky. Sandali lang. Selfie tayo with the church and then the bell tower, and also the town in the background. It’s really very beautiful and unique church. Wala pa tayong photos together to document this part of our adventure.” Maya then took out her iPhone and with Ricky’s arm slung over her shoulder, she took their first photo together. They have huge grins on their faces, and she had captured it perfectly when she checked the shot.

For the second and third shots, a fellow tourist offered to take it for them. Unbeknown to them, the third one, where they found themselves looking at each other instead of their volunteer photographer, they had such a look of love on their faces. In fact, Cris, the guy who offered to take their photos, called their attention twice before they reacted and broke their gazes.

Ricky had to blink twice. It sounded like this thing happened before. Not the picture-taking, but the two of them, standing in front of the church, gazing at the view before them and as if a magnetic field was pulling them towards each other. In fact, it was so vivid that he felt they were about to kiss!

“Ricky, Ricky, uy Ricky Lim! Are you okay?” Maya asked, waving her hand on Ricky’s face, breaking into his bemused expression.

“Sorry, Maya! I just had another deja vu moment! It is really strange!” Ricky said, then shaking his head and shrugging off, he took hold of Maya’s hand, then thanked Cris, and he escorted her down the steep steps down.

Several minutes after, Ricky and Maya were sitting in a simple wooden table with and monobloc chairs, a far cry from the fancy restaurants that probably Ricky Lim is used to, eating the most delicious empanada they have ever tasted. Both of them opted to eat it with two cold cans of Coke. They were in food heaven. Thanking the owner of the place, an hour later, with tummies full, they journeyed on towards the direction of Vigan.

Maya and Ricky arrived in Vigan late afternoon after stopping several times along the way as there were a lot of places that caught Maya’s interest. One of their stops was at Quirino Bridge, where they took lots of pictures, walked a bit and marvelled at its beauty before journeying on again.

“Naku, hindi na tayo makakaabot ng Paoay nito, Ricky.  Sayang. Medyo gabi na. Saka, sayang naman kung mamadaliin natin itong Vigan. Parang ang ganda-ganda pa namang libutin. But I guess, we can always take another trip back.” Maya said as Ricky parked the car in front of a beautiful old house converted into a hotel. There was a cafe inside which they would like to check before they walk around Calle Crisologo. She and Ricky need another coffee fix and according to the information they found online, this one has the best coffee and the ambience is old world, like you really had traveled back in time!

“Oo nga. Sana pala, we brought clothes na lang and planned a two-day road trip.” Ricky said offhand, then thought hard, and impulsively said, “But why not? Are you doing anything else? Damit lang naman and stuffs ang hindi natin dala. Madali namang solusyunan yon! What do you think?”

“Wala naman. Sabi ko naman sa iyo, laid back vacation time ko lang ito.” Maya said smiling, liking the impulsive idea as well. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well, I’m thinking. We can hit the nearest shop, let’s buy what we need for several days, then take a road trip, hanggang Pagudpud. We can stay here overnight. Then travel to Laoag and Paoay tomorrow, stay at Fort Ilocandia for the night, then to Pagudpud, for two days. What do you think?”

“Sounds like a great idea! I haven’t tried this before. Okay.” Maya said promptly. While she has not known Ricky that long, she found herself instinctively trusting him, kahit noong una pa lang. She just can’t explain it. “In fact, I like this place, before we have coffee, let’s check if they have rooms for us.”

“Okay. Great.” Ricky got out of the car, then opened Maya’s door. With his hand on her back, he escorted her inside the beautiful hotel.

“Good afternoon, Sir, Ma’am!” The staff at the reception greeted them when they approached.

“Good afternoon! We don’t have a reservation, but we would like two standard rooms please, for an overnight stay….Allen.” Ricky said, checking the guy’s nameplate.

“Oh, I’m sorry Sir. All our standard rooms are taken, pati na po ang iba naming rooms. Bukod po sa peak season ngayon dito sa Vigan, na-booked pa po for a regional conference ng isang company from Manila. But wait po….” Allen said, as he remembered something the staff he relieved told him. After double-checking, he said, “Kung gusto ninyo po, may isa pong family suite na naging available kasi nag-cancel iyong guest namin due to an emergency. Dalawa pong queen na bed ang nandoon.”

Ricky nodded, then looked at Maya and asked. “Maya…? He left the decision to her. “We can also look for rooms in another hotel.”

“Naku Sir, and sorry to butt in, pero kasi po baka po mahirapan kayo ni Mam. I heard from some of the others that they are also fully-booked. Pero baka rin po meron pa ang ibang inn, B & B na medyo malayo na rito sa center na may bakante pang rooms.” Allen said, trying to he helpful. “If you want po, I can make calls for you, if you want two separate rooms.”

Maya, who has not shared a room with a guy, well except Emman, but does not count as they are more like sisters, him being openly gay, thought for a moment, then nodded, coming to a decision. “No need, Allen. Thank you. Okay, Ricky, let’s take the room.” She must be crazy, but she does trust Ricky. In all the time she had been with him, he acted like a perfect gentleman. Besides, she can take care of herself, if the need arises. Her Lolo Jaime insisted that she took self-defense classes after one of his friend’s daughter almost got raped while going home late at night, when she took a cab. Besides, they are just sharing a room, not a bed!

Ricky booked the room under his name. When Allen asked if he can help them with their luggage, Ricky said, they will take care of it later. Instead, they asked to be directed to the cafe of the hotel.

Entering the cafe, Maya and Ricky felt like they have stepped back in time. The place is decorated in antique pieces, from the tables and chairs to the lamps adorning the place. The reviews were right. After their coffee and pastries were served, and they had their first few sips of their coffee, Ricky spoke what was in his mind. He wanted to reassure Maya.

“Maya, is our arrangement okay with you? I mean, us sharing a room? Just tell me please. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable with the set-up. We can always check the other hotels if they have vacancies. I’m sure marami namang ibang accommodation dito sa Vigan.” Ricky said, then looking earnestly at Maya, he said. “I just want you to know that I will not do anything that would make you uncomfortable.”

“Ricky, it is okay. Otherwise, I would have not said yes. Yes, I must admit, this is the first time I would be sharing a room with a guy, except for Emman, my partner in the cafe, but he does not count, as he is gay. But for some reason, and don’t ask me why, as I can’t explain either, I trust you, really. Sabi ko naman sa iyo before di ba, na pakiramdam ko matagal na tayong magkakilala.” Maya assured Ricky, then smiling, she teased him. “Besides, I can take care of myself. My Lolo Jaime insisted that I took some self-defense training.”

Ricky smiled at that, but turned serious as he looked at Maya. “Thank you for trusting me Maya. I will not violate that trust, I promise. Hindi mo na kailangang i-practice sa akin whatever you had learned in self-defense training.”

Maya grinned, then said softly, “I know, Ricky. I just know.”

Over the rims of their coffee cups, Maya and Ricky shared a gaze, a silent understanding between them. When they had their fill, they asked Allen for directions to the shopping complex where they could buy the clothes and supplies for their impromptu road trip/vacation.

Deciding not to take the car, they opted to walk towards the shops via Calle Crisologo. Both of them looking forward to the next chapter of their unplanned adventure. Both of them can’t explain the level of anticipation and happiness they were feeling at that moment.

Chapter 4

June 20, 1966

I woke up bright and early the following day despite the fact that it was already past two o’clock in the morning when I managed to fall asleep. I dreamed about Maya, that she and I were in a beautiful garden. We were sitting in a swing in the middle of the garden filled with all kinds of flowers and there was a nearby meadow. It looked like how I imagined paradise would be. We were so happy and so in love! We kissed and held hands as we marveled at the beauty around us and enjoyed our private moment. I woke up with a big smile. My heart sang! I felt  exhilarated, like I was  on the top of the world, like I have climbed Mount Everest and was marveling at God’s amazing work before me!  The fact that I will see her again that day, aside from the beautiful dream I had, made me feel that way.  

I didn’t have to wait long. Maya arrived one hour later, bringing breakfast with her. With a lovely smile, she told me it was the least she could do for the help I gave her the day before, and for the dinner. She brought champorado and tuyo, which she told me, she cooked herself, as well as fresh fruits, and coffee in a big thermos. She admitted that she too, woke up early despite the fact that, like me, she was unable to sleep promptly the night before. I remarked that maybe, she was not used to the quietness of the place, or the roar of the waves when the wind was very strong. She just looked at me, unable to answer, but I can see that she was blushing. I guessed, I was not the only one who was unable to sleep because of our meeting and the wonderful time we had. I really wished then that she had dreamed about me, too.

Maya and I set up the breakfast at the veranda overlooking the beach that our properties shared together at the moment. Our houses were the only ones there. The nearest neighbors were around two kilometers away on the East side, or before Maya’s family’s beach house. It was a beautiful, quiet morning. It felt like she and I were in our own private world, with the vast blue sea to look at.

In between enjoying our very nice breakfast, Maya and I talked about our families and common interests. We had a lot in common, we found out. We both like to have a cup of coffee first thing in the morning, reading books, watching movies. She loves Audrey Hepburn, and I on other hand, likes Alfred Hitchcock movies, Sean Connery and his James Bond films, among other things. We both like movie musicals. I also told her I don’t mind watching romance films, like the ones Hepburn had starred with. She was happy to know that. She also prefers her company than attending parties.

I asked Maya how she got started as an artist. She told me that it was just a hobby for her, really. She had learned from a family friend. She told me that she felt like she was in a different world when she holds a brush and put paints on her canvas, translating her imagination into vivid colors, shapes and images. She transports there whatever she feels in her heart. I told her that she had a very wonderful talent, and I can say that, even if I have only saw one of her works, so far! She blushed and thanked me softly. She asked me what I would like to do in my spare time. I told her my life revolves around the family business and that takes most of my time. However, I also found myself confessing to her that I would like to write novels, short stories, poem, the likes. She encouraged me to do, and I just smiled at her, for that dream, at that moment was beyond my grasp. Duty to the family rules my life, especially at that time that my father was in poor health.

We continued talking most of the morning. Manong Berting and Manang Felicing had arrived from the market, but seeing, that, I was already having my breakfast with Maya, they told me that they will just be in their kubo at the edge of the property. I gathered that they wanted to give me and Maya privacy. We took care of the dishes, despite my insistence that the caretakers can take care of those afterwards. 

Instead of painting that day, Maya and I just took a walk at the beach, chatting and at times, silently staring at the vast, blue sea. We returned to the beach house when it got too hot. Manang Felicing made a very sumptuous lunch for us, local dishes, which she told us with a big smile, we must sample. While we were eating our lunch, I asked Maya if she would like to take a short trip to the nearest town with me, climb the bell tower and the lighthouse there, as well as go inside the beautiful centuries-old church. She said, she would love to. I told Manong Berting to get the car ready. He offered to drive us, but I told him, I can manage. He just gave us directions. I wanted to spend the rest of the day alone with Maya. We stopped by her house to inform Fe where we will be, and to drop off Maya’s painting and painting materials. Fe said she will prepare dinner for us, and I must sample her cooking too. 

It was a lovely afternoon spent with Maya, something firmly etched in my mind, like the many photographs in my head of the beautiful moments I have spent with her. In town, we  also found a photo studio, and I asked her if we can have several photos, as a memento of our time there, and she agreed. The photographer promised to send us the copies of the photos, or he said, I can have Manong Berting pick it up in several days. We returned to Maya’s beach house as twilight was setting in. Fe prepared a feast for us. She had left us alone after serving us dinner.

We had coffee in the veranda after our wonderful dinner. Maya’s family’s house looks more inviting than the one my father had built. It was made of hardwood, narra and some others I couldn’t identify right away, and the design was similar to the beautiful bahay na bato we have seen in town earlier, but more open and airier. It had a nice, lived-in look, which is strange as like ours, it was only being used, Maya said, as a vacation home.

It was already late at night when I returned to my house. While about to get into the car, I told Maya softly that I had a wonderful time with her again. She told me that also had a great time. We gazed at each other. There were only us and that moment, no past, no present, and yes, no future. We existed only on our awareness of each other. I felt my heart skipping several beats. I can’t help myself, I touched and caressed her lovely face as I said good night and sweet dreams to her. She looked at me with her very expressive eyes and gave me a smile that lit up her whole face as she bade me good night, touching my hand as well. I smiled back at her, not wanting to part with her yet. Yes, we have been together practically the whole day, but I felt like the day passed like a blur. I savored my every moment with her! 

With a promise that we will see each other again the following day, by the beach after breakfast, we reluctantly bade each other good night for the last time, that night. Just like the night before, I have dreamed of Maya and I. But this time, we were walking down the beach, hand in hand under a full moon. We kissed and professed our love for each other as the moon’s glow bathed us. 

I found Maya at her usual place at the beach when I walked there the following morning, bringing with me sunflowers that I had requested Manong Berting to find for me. In one of our conversations the day before, Maya mentioned that sunflower is her favorite flower. She told me, it is her happy flower, as it always seeks the sun, the brightness, and that she felt happy by just looking at it. Maya also said that she had asked their gardener in Manila to plant those as well, even if they grow very fast and overtakes and overwhelms all the other flowers! It was funny, Manong Berting confessed to me that he had to get it from a garden of someone he knows in the barrio as he knew there is nowhere he would be able to buy it. They cut the flowers from more than ten plants, with him promising his kumare that he owes her. He returned to the house with a triumphant smile, holding the flowers. I was sure, Manong Berting’s and Manang Felicing’s heads were full of questions, but prudently, they didn’t say anything. In fact, they looked like they were happy seeing me with Maya. They didn’t know that I was not free to love Maya anymore. In Maya’s presence, I set that aside in my head, wanting to ride the heady feeling I feel when I’m with her. I never felt like this and I wanted to experience it to the fullest. 

Like the first time I have seen her, Maya was engrossed at what she was doing. However, instead of an easel , she had with her a sketchbook. I called her name. She turned and gave me a brilliant smile that lit up my morning in an instant and made my heart galloped. I gave her the flowers and Maya thanked me profusely, grinning. She was so happy with her flowers. She gave me a thermos of coffee, which she said, she brewed  from the beans, harvested in their farm in Batangas. She noticed, she said that I have enjoyed it the day before. I thanked her for it and for being very thoughtful and observant. 

While both of us were enjoying the coffee, the cool breeze blowing from the sea in the not so hot Wednesday morning, sitting on the inabel blanket she had brought with her to sit on, we talked about all topics we could think of. I noticed again the sketchbook, which she had set on the side when she greeted me, and asked her about it. Was she planning to start another project? 

Maya smiled. She told me that she would like to give me a painting of hers. But she would like to paint me, me to pose for her! I smiled and asked her teasingly, if it will be like in art school where a nude model poses in front of the students. I told her, grinning, that I don’t have the body for it. 

Maya laughed, and it was like music to my ears. She has this lilting laugh that I would not get tired of hearing, even if I live to be a hundred and hard on hearing. She touched my face gently, and turned me sideways. Her innocent touch sent an electric current through me. Her hands were very soft and the way she was looking at me intently, I became self-conscious! I know she had no other intent except to look at me as an artist, but still, she had that effect on me! 

She then told me, that I would certainly made a very good artist model, and she was pretty sure that all the lady students will have a hard time sketching with me before them, she didn’t intent to paint me in the nude. She continued by saying that I have a very handsome, interesting face, especially when I laugh and my eyes disappear into tiny slits and I show my lopsided smile. I smiled at her, blushing a bit. Yes, I did, blushed! 

Maya asked me to pose for her by the beach. She said, it will be her remembrance to me. I actually felt both happy and sad when she said that. But at that time, I didn’t really want to dwell on the fact that at some point we will have to part or do something about our situation, with what we were feeling for each other. I wanted to bury my head in the sand. I didn’t want to dwell beyond the moment and the wonderful time I was having with her. 

I posed and she sketched until the sun got intense and we sought the coolness of the beach house’ terrace. I asked Maya if I could see what she had worked on so far. She smiled but she refused to do so, said she wanted me to be surprised at the finished product. Maya and I shared a lunch again. At my invitation, she spent the afternoon at the beach house. She sketched most of the afternoon, and I, on the other hand, just read a book. We talked occasionally, but in most part, we shared a companionable silence. I felt such contentment that I had wished then that it will be like this for always! 

When the sun was setting, we walked along the beach. I took hold of her hand while we were doing so, and she didn’t protest. We shared gazes and happy smiles. There was no need to put into words the happiness both of us were obviously feeling at that moment. We found a log where we sat, and watched the sun’s last burst of colors as it set for the night. When the sun was but a small disc in the horizon, I took her home. She invited me to dinner and I agreed, as I was reluctant to part with her for the night. 

While Fe was preparing our dinner, Maya and I sat in the veranda, enjoyed the cooling night as we sipped a glass of white wine each and gazed at each other. Fe broke into our private world half an hour later, saying that dinner was ready. Maya and I enjoyed our third dinner together very much. It was another perfect day. I returned to my house, by the beach, humming a love song. For the third night, I felt wonderful and dreamed of Maya, but this one was different from the other ones!

Note: Chapter 5 used to be part of this Chapter. Hence the comments for that are here. Please see the Richard and Maya index under Library for the revised chapters!

Chapter 2

June 20, 1966

It has been a year today, since I last saw her beautiful face – the face that still haunts my dreams, occupies my thoughts, and inhabits my soul. My one and only love, and I had to let her go! I had nothing to offer her. I already belong to someone else when we met. My head tells me that we did the right thing, but it didn’t lessen the pain in my heart, parting with her after our beautiful time together. 

I felt like my heart was wrenched from my body when I saw her getting into the car to be as far away from me as possible, as the two of us cannot be. I felt like I have died a thousand times as I watched her walked away from me forever. I thought I will not survive. I got physically sick after I have returned to Manila two days after she left me. My family thought I caught something in Ilocos. My wife Alexandra called the family doctor, but he, too, was puzzled at what ailed me. They never knew, they never realized that what ailed me cannot be cured by medicine, by science. I was heartsick! I stayed like that for a week, too weak to move, wanting to die, unaware of what was happening around me, except this intense pain in my heart. Then I picked myself up after my five-year old son, hugged me as I laid in my bed, whispering to me to please get well soon. She wouldn’t want to see me like that also. I do have responsibilities and duties to my family. They never knew. One week after we parted, I forced myself to put up a brave front, a facade, hiding to people around me the hell I was living without her. But the loneliness comes in when I am alone or when I am about to close my eyes for the night, wondering how is she. Does she thinks about me too? Does she remembers our time together? I hope she is faring much better. I don’t want her to be heartsick too.   

Days, weeks, months passed with me going through the motion, alive but not living! And now a year it is since parted, but I missed her with all my being, especially so today, the missing is so acute, wondering if she is okay, my love for her as strong as when the first time I realized that I love her with all of me. Is she happy with her husband? Yes, I have heard that the one and only woman I love, Maria Eulalia Dela Rosa, my beautiful and talented Maya, has gotten married to her fiance, Jaime Ventura early this month. Seeing the pictures of the society wedding in the copies of the Philippine newspapers that Papa insisted on having even if we are living here in America, was like putting a serrated knife to my still bleeding heart. 

This morning, when I woke, knowing what the date is, the first thing I thought was her and our parting. I felt like I wanted to die. I felt like my head will explode. I needed to do something to let out all that I feel or else, I would just probably fell and have a heart attack at a very young age! If that happens, it would mean leaving my wife Alexandra a young widow and my son Richard, ‘Richie’, a fatherless boy, at his very young age. They were innocent in this. Sandra does not know, does not have an inkling that someone else owns my heart. Whilst ours was not a love match, she had been a good wife to me. If I can’t love her the way she wanted or needed to be love, the least I could do is to be faithful to her and be with her as I have promised to do so when we entered into this marriage instigated by our parents. There is also Richie to think of. The boy is growing up fast and he looks like my miniature.  

I got out of bed with a heavy heart. I went straight to my office at home. I can’t go to work today, knowing my mind and heart will not be there. I saw this blank journal, a gift from Rafaela. She is not only the cousin I am closest to, she is also a very dear friend to me. I think, she has an inkling that something ails me, seriously. She told me softly and cryptically, that maybe, one day, it will help me deal with everything, when she gave me that journal last Christmas. She caught me staring into space several times. Rafaela also knew that I secretly wanted to be a writer. That had I not been saddled with running the family business, I would have preferred to be a writer!  Running the business, which Papa was grooming me since I was young, was not really what I wanted, but he vehemently objected the one and only time I have brought up to him that I wanted to be like Nick Joaquin, F. Sionil Jose, Francisco Arcellena, N.V.M Gonzales or Jose Garcia Villa! He told me, it was not for me as my duty is with my family, being his only son!

So, here I am, hoping to ease my pain by writing about her, and remembering our wonderful time together instead of the sorrow of our parting. Would it really be cathartic if I do so? Would I will be able to handle the onslaught of emotions once I started putting into paper, making it tangible, that wonderful time with her? I hope so. I want to try to keep me sane. Maybe, I should just think that I can look again at this journal when I’m old and gray, and the memory is fading, and remember that once in my life, I have loved with all of my being, starting that beautiful June afternoon.  

I went to Ilocos  to check on the house my father had built at the beach property he bought several years ago. Papa said that the workers have finished the house and I should check if everything is okay. He insisted on it and if something gets into his head, he will not stop asking me about it until I have done what he wanted. But truth be told, I jumped at the chance as I have been feeling restless before that. I had what everyone will call the perfect life – a thriving business, a beautiful and wonderful wife whom while I don’t love, but respects very much, an intelligent and sweet son, and yet there is an empty space inside me that yearns to be filled with what, I didn’t know! Forgive me for sounding ungrateful with all the blessings I have, but I was bored with everything, with the sameness of things, and how perfect my life seemed to be. I was living, but I don’t feel much!  Even so, I never thought, I never had an inkling, that my life would change drastically by taking that plane to a place I never thought of going. That by doing another of the things Papa told me to do, I would find my one true love, and that the empty space would be filled to the brim, and will be so much emptier afterwards, when everything came to an end. 

I first caught a glimpse of Maya when I took a walk the day after I arrived at the beach house. She was wearing a hat, an artist’s smock over her blouse, and leggings, an easel before her. I only caught a partial view of her, but my heart jumped for no reason at all when I caught that glimpse of her. Seeing that she was too concentrated on what she was doing and I might disturb her concentration, I walked away after staring at her beautiful and graceful profile for several minutes. I needed to make sense, too, of my instant reaction to her. I also wondered if seeing her face to face, would I still feel the same lurch? Will my heart skipped a beat again. 

Yes I did! My heart did. I managed to confirm that the following day. I was out walking again, when suddenly, it started to rain. I saw Maya at the same spot she was in the day before, which was near our beach house than the one before us, which I had correctly assumed, was where she was staying. When I got home the day before I asked our property’s caretakers if someone is living in the beach house before us, and they told me that the daughter of the owner was there, alone, been staying there for over a week since before I arrived. I saw that Maya, as I would come to know her, also realized that it had started to rain. Whatever was on the canvas was done and was just drying I guessed at that time. She was calculating on how best to save her work, when I approached her. Our eyes met and connected. Time stood still and we were elevated into a plane that only the two of us existed for several long seconds. The big droplets coming from the skies startled us. I grabbed her canvas carefully, then told her to run with me to the beach house as it was nearer than her place.

The deluge came several minutes after we have reached the veranda. We were both out of breath, but laughing, triumphant that we beat the rain and saved her work. She had a smile that lit up her beautiful face. I stared at her and caught my breath. She was very lovely, with her heart-shaped face, doe eyes fringed with long lashes and pouty lips curved into an uninhibited smile. She noticed me looking at her. I flushed. She blushed. I introduced myself. She told me that her name is Maya, followed by a teasing smile, then said to me, that no, she was not named after the bird, the Maya! I smiled at her. I asked her to come inside the house and have a cup of coffee with me until the rains stop, and she can tell me all about her name. She graciously agreed even if I was a complete stranger to her. The truth was I wanted to prolong my time with her. I wanted to get to know her better. I was drawn to her from the beginning. My heart felt so light and happy, just being with her. Strange isn’t it, to feel that you know someone a lot, when you just met! That you experienced a certain pull towards this person, who in reality is a stranger to you. That there was just something in that person, that calls to you. Soulmates? Reincarnation? Knowing each other in a past life? I don’t know! I never believed in those, but how do I explain the instant connection I felt with Maya? 

We sat in the arm chairs, by the big floor-to-ceiling window that overlooks the beach, and over a cup of steaming coffee, we got to know each other. Maya told me that the beach house where she was staying belonged to her mother’s family, the Dela Pazes, and that she is there because she wanted to grieve alone. Her beloved mother Conchita, passed away a month before that. As the days passed by, Maya told me, the grief intensified. It started to sink in that her mother was really gone. Her father suggested that maybe a change of scene would be good for her and suggested that she visits the house in Ilocos with Fe, their loyal kasambahay, the daughter of her Yaya Nitang. She asked me to what my reason for being there. I told her I was just checking the property for my father.

So lost in getting to know each other, we didn’t realize that the rains had stopped, and that the day had turned into night as we continued chatting, getting to know each other, as if we needed to know everything about each other, unable to stop ourselves, even if we knew that we were not free to explore what we were feeling for each other, then. The fact that I’m married and has a little boy, and her engagement to a scion of one of the most prominent families in the country came into our conversation also. I didn’t realize before then that she was the fiancée of Jaime Ventura, whom I met in a party before, but never really know. We moved in the same circles, but we were not friends, and I have only met him once. Even then, I had this thought that he is very lucky to be having Maya for a wife, and learning that she was engaged to be married, I felt like a giant hand squeezed my heart, 

I asked Maya about her painting. She stood up, got it, and showed it to me. I  don’t know art, but even to my untutored eyes, I can see that she is very good. She had captured our house, the beach and the mountain beyond it, vividly, vibrantly! When I told her that she is very talented, she told me that it was just a hobby! She was not sure if she will offer her work to a gallery like a friend has been asking her to do. I told her that I will be the first one to buy her work should she decide to exhibit it. She laughed and told me, that maybe, she can just do a painting for me if I am staying long in the beach house. I told her that I was originally planning on being there for five days, but I can extend, since I haven’t had a vacation in a long time.

Maya stayed for dinner at my insistence since it was already a bit late. I just sent Manong Berting to tell Fe that Maya was staying for dinner. It was one of the best dinners of my life! Seeing her so happy, so animated while telling me one anecdote after the other, sharing me her hopes and dreams, made me felt very happy too. She caught me staring at her several times. Each time, she would blushed and get flustered. After dinner and dessert, I walked Maya back to her house through the beach. We opted to leave her painting and her painting materials in my house as it was already dark and it might rain again.  For my part, I was glad as it would mean I will see her again. We chatted like two people who have known each other for a long time as we walked. I took her until the gate and declined her invitation to come in. I waited until she was inside before returning to the beach house.

That night I was unable to sleep. I tossed and turned, with thoughts of Maya filling my head. I knew I was not free to feel what I knew I was feeling for her even then, but I can’t help myself. That feeling was so strong, so overwhelming and I was unable to fight it. How could I fight something that made me feel so alive for the first time? Something that made my heart sing? I went to bed, with the thought that I will see her again the following day…..

Note: The revision I’m doing started here. I moved the ‘Present’ part of this chapter to the new Chapter 3. Please see the Richard and Maya index under Library for the revised chapters! Thanks.

Chapter 1

Present

Something wet hit the page of the journal that Maria Yasmin Ventura Dela Rosa, ‘Maya’ to family and friends, was reading by the beach, then another, and another. Maya closed Ricardo Lim’s journal hastily, and clutched it to her chest tightly. She looked up at the sky and noticed that it has gotten dark the past hour or so. She got engrossed in the journal again, lost in the past, and didn’t notice the changing weather!

“Oh my God, uulan na! Mukhang malakas pa. Ano ba iyan, ang ganda-ganda ng araw kanina! Naku, mababasa itong journal!” Maya exclaimed, panicking. She needed to protect the precious journal that she found while cleaning the attic of the Ventura ancestral house in New Manila, several weeks after her grandfather James died.

The house in New Manila was bequeathed to her mother, but since it was Maya who has been staying there with her grandfather, Marina Ventura-Dela Rosa told Maya that it’s hers, since she loves that house very much. She and Maya’s father prefer their house in Ayala Alabang. Maya’s mother also told her, that eventually, anyway, it will pass on to her as per the term of her grandfather’s will stated. Maya discovered the journal while organizing things in the attic as she would like to put her grandfather’s stuffs there for safekeeping, with her and her mother’s yaya, Manang Fe helping her.

Maya looked around and checked where she really was. She realized that she had wandered a bit farther off from where the beach house her mother’s family owns. The nearest shelter is the white house several meters away that looked abandoned the past several times she passed by it. Manang Miring, the caretaker of the Dela Paz beach house mentioned that the family of the late Ricardo Lim, from Manila, owns it. It turned out, it is the same Ricardo Lim whose journal she was trying to protect at that moment. She should have just photocopied it and leave the original in a safe place to protect the almost 50 years old journal, but Maya like the feel of it on her hands, her link to a past that she is very much drawn to. She did scan all of the journal’s pages and the photos she discovered were inserted in it,  to save it for posterity.  She ran towards the white house, keeping her fingers crossed that she will reach it in time. The large droplets got more frequent while she was running towards it.

By the time Maya was catching her breath at the covered part the terrace of the beautiful house, it was raining very hard. Seeking a warmer place, Maya tried the glass door that lead to the living room of the house. Luckily, it was unlocked. Maya was a bit nervous entering the empty house as it belongs to another, but the desire to make sure that the journal is completely dry was stronger. For reasons, she can’t explain, Maya was drawn to the journal, which according to her mother, when she asked her about it, belonged to her mother. Marina Dela Rosa never thought much about that journal, that at times, she would see her mother caressing and holding from time to time with a pensive expression on her face. Maya Dela Rosa-Ventura, yes she and her grandmother share a nickname, aside from the fact that she is the spitting image of her grandmother, never knew that her daughter saw her holding the journal, and writing on it at times.

Maya had asked her mother if she had read the journal, after she had read it herself in one go, late at night. She was unable to put it down once she had started reading. Marina Dela Rosa told her daughter that she had been meaning to, when she saw it several years ago, while looking for a vintage Chanel dress she would like to wear for a theme party, among her mother’s things. Marina told Maya, it must have been her father James who boxed her mother’s journal, without knowing what it was, when her mother died when she was 18. Marina told Maya that she accidentally dislodged the box containing it while looking for the dress inside her mother’s old aparador.

Marina then asked why Maya was asking whether she had read it. She asked what was in it. Maya was not sure whether to tell her mother about the content of the journal at that moment, and over the phone. She told her mother she will just tell her about it when she and her father, Antonio return from their business trip. Her parents were in the States for their cargo business. It was a business started by her father’s father, her grandfather Fernando Dela Rosa, no relations to her grandmother’s family who bore the same last name.

Maya suddenly was pulled from her thoughts when the living room was suddenly illuminated by a sharp lightning, followed by a very loud thunder. Maya screamed, surprised at how loud it was. Suddenly, she heard a loud sound from one of the upstairs rooms. That, startled her more than the lightning and thunder, as the house was supposed to be vacant.

“Oh no, sabi ko na nga ba, haunted itong bahay na ito!” Maya said, her heart thumping too much from fear or nervousness, she can’t explain. Her very vivid imagination going into overdrive! She closed her eyes and tried to comfort and calm herself. “Maya, Maya, hayan na naman ang imagination mo. Kalma lang, baka naman daga lang iyon o kaya naman pusa, aso, kambing na nakapasok sa bahay! Mabuti pang makipag-meet and greet ka na lang sa multo kaysa naman mabasa itong precious journal!” In her state, it never occurred to her that she should fear the living more than the dead, na baka may ibang nakapasok na tao sa bahay na bakante, maliban sa kanya.

“Who are you, and what are you doing here?” Someone suddenly bellowed from the balcony, at the same time the huge chandelier above her flooded the living room with bright light.

Maya looked up in surprise and saw a guy rumply dressed in a white shirt and dark-colored jeans. Another lightning lit the sky, and she saw his face clearly from where she was craning her neck. She shrieked. “Oh, my God. Multo nga! Please, please nakikisilong lang po, Mr. Ricardo Lim. Malakas kasi ang ulan. I don’t want the journal to get wet!” She said, trying to be brave, saying his full name comforted her, made him more real to her. That is how she thought of him ever since she had started reading his journal and after she discovered his pictures with her grandmother. “I know you are a good ghost naman!”

“Sandali lang Miss, don’t move, please. I will go down.” The handsome and seemingly very familiar vision told Maya.

“Ganoon ba talaga magsalita ang mga multo?” Maya mused, her heart still beating very fast. “Parang normal lang at modern na modern. Saka naka-jeans din, di ba dapat naka-barong at dark pants, gaya ng sa movies!”

‘Mr. Ricardo Lim’ reached Maya finally. With arms folded, he asked her again, gazing at her intently. “Do I look like a ghost to you?  Look closely, Miss. How did you know my name?”

Maya looked closely, and realized that he is no ghost. He looked liked he just got out of bed and still looked quite tired. To be completely sure, she slowly approached him and poked him on the face gently. “Oo nga, tao ka!” She blurted out.

“Of course, I’m human! Why would you think ba that I’m a ghost? Saka, you haven’t answered my question, how do you know me? I don’t think we have been introduced. Do you live nearby? Why are you here?” ‘Ricardo Lim’ asked in rapid succession.

“Your name is really Ricardo Lim?” Maya asked inanely, not quite believing yet that she is meeting this guy who is the spitting image of Ricardo Lim of the journal! Truth to tell, Ricardo Lim was a handsome man in the black and white and sepia photos she had been gazing on the past weeks. But this Ricardo Lim takes it to another notch higher. Maya, looking at him closely, felt her heart beating faster.

“Yes, let me introduce myself properly. I’m Ricardo Lim III. But you can call me Ricky.” He then gave Maya a lopsided smile that made her breathless, her heart galloping with an a feeling she can’t yet fathom. “And you are?”

“The third, this must mean, you are the grandson of Ricardo Lim, Senior, who was married to Alexandra So-Lim-Valderama! You are the current CEO of the family corporation, that is after your father Ricardo Lim Jr. took an early retirement early this year. Your mom is the former Rosemarie Madrigal, the pianist, and you are an only son, just like your dad.” Maya blurted out, her brain suddenly functioning in full gear again, remembering the information she had searched before.

“Now, I’m getting nervous.” Ricky Lim said with a hint of a smile in his voice, an imp seemed to have suddenly possessed him, looking a at the beautiful lady wearing a maxi halter dress, with doe-shaped eyes, pouty lips, and high cheekbones, clutching something to her chest. “Are you a stalker of my family?”

“Of course not. Hello, there’s Google kaya, Mr. Ricky Lim! Anything I needed to know about your family, I found there.” Maya retorted, getting flushed in the face. She does sound like a stalker, isn’t, with that statement? “I mean, I did check on your family several weeks ago.”

“So, stalker nga. Online stalker!” Ricky insisted. He likes seeing her flustered. At the same time, he was trying to cover and make light of the whole thing to drown the instant attraction he was feeling.  She looks more beautiful with her trying to explain herself to him, and her witty reply. Now, he is liking the unexpected turn in his afternoon. He smiled charmingly.”So, Ms. Stalker, what is your name?”

“Hmmmp, maybe I should tell you, only if you take me seriously, Mr. Ricardo-not-a-ghost-Lim-III.” Maya said, for some reason, she is enjoying their repartee.

“Okay, serious na talaga. May I know your name and how come you know a lot about my family?” Ricky asked with a friendly smile. “Maybe, we should sit too, since kanina pa tayo nakatayo.” He then led Maya, by holding on to her elbow to the sofa by the big window of the living room overlooking a garden. He sat on one of the armchairs to her left.

“I’m Maya Dela Rosa,” Maya started after she sat down. “I live in the beach house before this one, for now. I don’t really know your family, but I do know of your family because of this.” Maya opened the journal and got a black and white photo from it. She handed it to Ricky. “That is the reason why I checked on the Lim family.”

“This is my grandfather, Ricardo! But I don’t know the lady with him.” Ricky said, then he looked closely at the photo, then back to Maya. “She looks like you. It is really uncanny! Parang ikaw talaga, except that the clothes she was wearing was from another time period. Grandmother mo?”

“That is true. My family has told me that countless of times. And you look like your grandfather! Uncanny. I never realized that when I saw some photos of the family. Medyo iba kasi ang hitsura mo doon. That’s the reason why I thought you are a ghost and also sa katitingin ko na rin sa photo niya! Kamukhang-kamukha mo kasi ang grandfather mo. And yes, the lady in the photo was my grandmother Maya, same nickname as mine. Her name, though, is Maria Eulalia, and mine is Maria Yasmin. Since she died young, 45 years old lang, my grandfather asked my parents if he can call me Maya too, in her remembrance. Everyone did eventually.”

“Maya, Maya…..” Ricky said softly. “Why does the name sounds familiar? I know it is not uncommon name, pero narinig ko na ang pangalan na niyan sa bahay namin. Oh well, I will remember it din siguro in a while. My grandfather died young also. He was 40.”

“Maybe because of a painting she did na nasa family mo, if your family still has it. I guess it is, because it has not turned up in the market after all these years. You see, our grandparents knew each other. According to this journal, the painting was given by my grandmother to your grandfather in 1965.” Maya said showing Ricky Lim the journal.

“Oh, I think I know that!  My grandmother Sandra still has that painting. Now I know I remember where I have heard, or rather, seen ‘Maya’ before. It was scrawled at the corner of the painting, a painting of the beach outside actually, with a guy gazing at someone off the frame, with an obvious look of love on his face.” Ricky Lim said. Every time he visits his grandmother, he had stared at that painting. He was drawn to it.

“That’s the one! Your family still has it? I’m glad! Amazing! How’s your grandmother?” Maya asked. She read some articles about Alexandra Lim also and her charity works, but not much about her personal life. She had gleaned also that she got married again several years after having been widowed, to Victor Valderama, a property developer.

“She’s doing well, considering that she is now 79 years old. She and my second grandfather, Victor, actually the only grandfather I have known since Lolo Ricardo died before I was born, now live in Batangas, at their property there.” Ricky Lim said. “Whose journal was that nga pala?”

“Oh, this one! It’s a journal I found among my grandmother’s things. I think it belonged to your grandfather, and was continued by my grandmother after his death. May ilang pictures na naka-insert also.” Maya said. “I asked my mother about it, but while she knows that it is my Lola Maya’s, hindi niya alam na sa lolo mo ito. Manang Fe, my old yaya mentioned that the first time she had seen that journal was after your grandmother visited my grandmother one afternoon in 1975.  She remembered well kasi raw sobrang lungkot ni Lola Maya after. That year din nagsimula ang entries ng lola ko sa journal na ito. My grandmother also made mentioned of your grandmother’s visit din sa entry niya, but not much else. I Googled your family, to check if the photos were that of Ricardo Lim. After reading the journal I just needed to find out more.”

“Hmmm, 1975? That year namatay si Lolo Ricardo! Baka it has something to do with that. My dad said that year rin sila umuwi ng Pilipinas from San Francisco to settle here for good.” Ricardo said, thinking and staring out., then he looked at Maya again, who he caught was staring at him. “So, not only our grandparents knew each other, they more than just knew each other, is that correct?”

“Errrr, yes. They fell in love in this very place. This is the place where they met!” Maya said softly. “I guess you have a right to read this also as he was your grandfather. Would you like to?”

“If it is okay with you, yes please” Ricky said. Somehow, he is also drawn to the journal, in the same manner that he is very much drawn to the beach painting, and this place. “Mukha namang matatagalan pa ang ulan na ito and you can’t go to your house yet, not that I’m sending you away, you can stay as long as you want, I can read it now.”

“Okay, that would be best. Honestly, the journal has become precious to me and I don’t want to part with it kahit sandali lang.” Maya admitted. “I guess, because I feel the emotions that came out of the pages of it and it is my only link to the thoughts of a grandmother whom I share a name and looks, but haven’t had the chance to be with.”

“Your grandmother must have been very beautiful.” Ricky said all of a sudden.

“She was. Di ba, kita naman sa picture.” Maya replied. “You should see her photos in some of the clothes she had worn to some parties. She was very beautiful and elegant. She was also a very talented painter.

“Not only because of what I see in the picture, but because you are, very beautiful you know, if I may say so.” He said, gazing at Maya intently.

Maya blushed, her heart beating fast. “Errr, thank you.” She simply said. “Here’s the journal.” She needed to regain her equilibrium.

“Before we go back to the past, so to speak, would you like a cup of coffee?” Ricky asked, giving Maya another of his lopsided smiles.

“Sure, it would be great in this rainy afternoon.” Maya said, returning the smile with one of her own, which lit up her whole face. “Thanks.”

“I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.” Ricardo Lim stood up and walked towards the direction of the kitchen.

While waiting for him, Maya took the opportunity to look at her surroundings. The house feels familiar and she feels at home with it, kahit noong una na akala niya walang tao, also when she passed by it the past several days. Kahit doon sa bahay ng pamilya ng lola niya, ganoon din ang pakiramdam niya. She has not been here before as her mother only told her of this place after her Lolo James died. Marina Dela Rosa said she thought the place has been sold a long time ago.

Since she is at loose end at the moment, Maya decided to take the trip to Ilocos and check the beach house on impulse. Hindi niya inakala na nandito rin si Ricky. Ricky! Imagine, she got to meet the grandson of the man her grandmother loved very much until the end. Magaan ang pakiramdam niya kay Ricky. Normally she is not completely at ease with someone she just met. Kasi nga siguro, they have a ‘shared’ past, their grandparents and their ill-fated love! Hay, she sighed.

“Why the sigh, Maya? Is everything okay?” Ricky asked when he returned carrying two steaming cups of coffee.

“No worries, Ricky, okay lang ako. I just sighed because I thought of our grandparents and their love. You will understand after you have read the journal.”

“Okay, I will do so, now.” Ricky said, giving Maya the coffee and sitting beside her this time.

Both Maya and Ricky took a sip of their coffee, looked out of the window, then at each other, with smiles of instant connection and understanding, before starting the journey to the past, to a love that had come at the wrong time for two people who found it, while not looking for it.