Chapter 10

Maya slowly opened her eyes and looked around her, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep in her system. Like a clockwork, she woke up at 7 o’clock that morning. She saw Ricky still sleeping soundly in his bed, tucked cozily in his comforter. He looked at peace, as compared to the state he was in, when he was in the throes of his very bad dream. She decided that she will let him sleep some more. They are not in a hurry to go anywhere. Besides, she has yet to do her ‘morning ritual’! She feels better and ready to face the world after she does that.

She got her iPad from where she had left it the night before, the bedside table on her right. She likes going online, while lying in her bed, before getting up. She starts her day by checking her social media accounts, read the news from the sites she had put in her favorites folder, and checks if the bloggers that she following have updates. When those are done,  of there are not much updates, she just  reads a chapter or two of the books she bought or downloaded into her Kindle app or iBooks.

Maya was deep into reading the update on one of the fan fictions that she was following, when a low buzzing sound broke her concentration. She looked around, checked where the sound was coming from, and saw Ricky’s phone blinking and moving around the night table between their beds. She stared at it, torn whether she will wake up Ricky or let him sleep, and just ignorr the call.  By the look if it, it was not the first time the phone rang that morning. However, since the phone was on silent mode, she presumed that Ricky was not really waiting for any call. On the other hand, he might have put it on silent mode while they were in the church, and forgot to change his phone settings before they went to sleep.

While Maya was contemplating on what to do, the phone fell on the hardwood floor with a loud thud. Maya tried to grabbed it but she was not so fast. She hoped that the racket didn’t wake up Ricky. He did move. The phone was still ringing when she retrieved it on the floor, and since it fell with the screen facing upwards, she saw the name of the person who was trying to reach Ricky. ‘Lorraine Tan’! What is she to Ricky, she mused. Baka importante talaga ang phone calls nitong si Lorraine Tan. Kanina pa yata ito tumatawag. Baka ito rin ang tawag ng tawag kay Ricky before.

“Maya….?” Ricky sat up on his bed, trying to shake off sleep. The thud did wake him up. He looked at Maya, still crouched in between their beds. “What happened? I heard a loud thud. Are you okay? Nahulog ka ba?”

Maya stood up, then gave Ricky his phone. “Good morning, Ricky! I’m okay. Hindi naman ako ang nahulog. Itong phone mo mo ang nahulog. Nag-ring kasi and on vibrate mode. Sa dami yata ng calls, nahulog na. Sorry, hindi ko na nasalo bago bumagsak. Here, baka importante ang mga call. Feeling ko kanina pa iyan ring ng ring.”

“Good morning, Maya. Thank you. I was not expecting any calls naman. I ironed out everything na yesterday while we were in the church.” Ricky looked at who was calling, and saw that he had several missed calls from Lorraine. He sighed. He wished then that she would stop calling or texting him, they have nothing to talk about, especially after the last time. It was the last straw for him. She knew that. He really tried to make the relationship work, maybe out of all the years they have been together. But it turned out it was not enough and now he realized, that he was shortchanging himself if he was willing to settle for that kind of relationship for the rest of his life. Now, he just wanted to have a very wonderful time with Maya and find out where this intense atraction to her, and what he was starting to feel, will take him, and her!. He shut down his phone.

Maya saw what Ricky did, surprised. But she didn’t say anything. She does not want to pry. But of course, she was very curious. Come to think of it, despite all that they have chatted about the past days, he was a bit reticent about his personal life. He never ventured something very personal about relationships and stuffs. Come to think if it, he spoke of it in the most generic terms.

“Breakfast?” Ricky asked, breaking into Maya’s thoughts. He can sense Maya’s curiousity at his action, and even his previous actions. But he was procrastinating. He does not want to deal with it at the moment. He will tell her about it, but not at the moment! “Allen said breakfast is served at the garden restautant of this hotel.”

“Sure, let me just take a bath first, and get ready.” Maya said, then looked at him, a bit self-consciously. “Mauna na akong mag-banyo?”

“Sure, Maya, please go ahead.” Ricky said, smiling at her.

Maya gathered her things and went to the bathroom. Ricky, on the other hand, leaned against the headboard of his bed and was about to switched on the TV to watch the news on CNN when he remembered that he needed to make a phone call. He opened his phone and hoped that there would not be text messages from Lorraine. He heaved a sigh of relief when there was none. Maybe, she had given up. He hoped she did. He scrolled down his phone book, and smiling, he pressed the number he needed.

“Ricky, hi! Kumusta pare?” Miguel Lorenzo greeted Ricky heartily when he picked up the call. “Napatawag ka! It has been a while!

“Oo nga, pare. Busy lang. Di bala pagbalik ko ng Manila, magkita tayo nina Vince and Sam, pati na rin si Ryan.” Ricky said, mentioning their three other barkadas. The five of them were classmates in the university, forged a friendshp, and that friendship endured even after that. Though, lately, they have not see each other much due to their busy schedules and with Vince and Sam, being family men now. Of course, Ryan, the fifth member of their barkada works for his family’s company and he was the one whom he had left the running of Lim Corporation for the duration of his unscheduled trip to Ilocos.

“Bakit pare, nasaan ka ba ngayon?” Miguel asked, curiously. “Work ba ito? I will be surprised and happy talaga kung bakasyon kasi I know you have not taken a vacation in long time.”

“Nandito ako sa Ilocos. Actually, kaya nga ako tumawag ngayon, I need a favor. I need to borrow your beach house in Pagudpud, if it is okay, and the offer still stands.”

“So bakasyon nga! Oo nga pala, your family has a beach house there. Iyung nabanggit mo dati na sa lolo mo.” Miguel said, remembering Ricky telling him that in passing. “Of course, pare, you can stay in our beach house in Pagudpud. Maganda doon. Sabi ko naman sa iyo, feel free to use it anytime. Ikaw lang itong sobrang busy sa work. Mabuti naman you are taking a break. Hmmm, why do I have a feeling na hindi pa nag-iisa ngayon.” He added teasingly. “How’s Lorraine?”

“Hahahaha, pare, ikaw talaga. I’m sure she is okay.” Ricky said, but didn’t offer any explanation. “But thank you, very much for letting me borrow your vacation home. I need it for two days, starting tomorrow, please.”

“Sure pare, no worries. I will just call our caretakers para mapaayos iyong place. It has been a while too since I have been in that place, but our caretakers there are the best. You two enjoy the place. The view is really incredible from there. Mabuti my father found the place.”

Ricky didn’t correct Miguel’s assumption that he was with Lorraine. It would take a lot of explanation, one that he doesn’t want to do over the phone. However, before he can  end the call, Maya came out of the bathroom, dressed in ripped shorts and a simple body fit blouse that flatters her figure.

“Ricky, it’s your turn.” Maya said smiling. “Sorry, natagalan…..oops, sorry.” She mouthed seeing that Ricky is on the phone. Hmmm, so he returned ‘her’ call, after all, was the first thing in Maya’s mind, assuming that Ricky was talking to that Lorraine Tan.

Ricky nodded to let her know that he heard her, then on the phone, he can hear Miggy’s teasing voice.

“Sabi ko na nga ba. O siya, hindi na kita aabalahin pa. Enjoy your stay in Pagudpud. If there is anything you need, let me know. Pero I’m sure you are in good hands kina Manong David at Manang Marcela. O sige, you two, enjoy your vacation ha. Kailan na nga pala ang kasal?”

“Thank you again. Saka na lang natin iyan pag-usapan. I’ll cal you when I get back. Magkita tayo.” Ricky said evasively.

“Sorry about that, Maya! Are you ready na? If you want to wait for me at the cafe instead, para makapag-coffee ka na. Sandali lang naman ako.” Ricky said after he had shut down his phone, which did not escape Maya’s notice.

“ Sige lang, Ricky, I will wait for you. Remember wala naman tayong hinahabol na oras. I will just continue my morning ritual while waiting for you.” Maya said, then smiling she said, “Actually, na-interrupt ng morning phone call mo ang ‘ritual’ ko.”

“Oh sorry, about that! But what’s your morning ritual, Maya. Sorry if I ask. You got me curious there?” Ricky said with a smile.

“Nothing much, Ricky. I just want to connect to the world as soon as I wake up. I usually go online while trying to wake myself up. Mula ng mauso ang iPad, I can do that in bed. See, mabuti I grabbed this too, when we went to the house yesterday.” Maya showed Ricky the iPad she had dropped on her bed earlier while trying to catch Ricky’s phone.

“Oh, that’s nice! Ako rin, I read muna before I get up and start my day. E-books I downloaded into my Kindle or my Kindle app. That was what I did nga before I fell asleep and had that bad dream.”

“Speaking of that! How are you? Did you sleep okay? Wala ka namang naging bad dream? When I looked at you earlier, you look so peaceful naman. Kaya nga sana ayaw sana kitang magising ng phone call mo, kaso nalaglag naman sa floor.”

“Yes, I did actually. Thank you again, Maya.” Ricky said, then remembering his very nice dream, he gazed at Maya, intently and smiled. “I actually had a very nice dream, Maya.”

Maya got self-conscious with the way Ricky was looking at her.  Taking a deep breath, she managed to say, “I’m glad na okay ka na. And judging by your smile, mukhang you had a sweet dream nga.” She finished with a smile.

Ricky grinned. “I did, Maya. I did. One of these days, I will tell it to you.” He finished, then with another smile at Maya, he was off to the bathroom.

Maya felt herself flushing and she was still when she grabbed her iPad and tried to concentrate on the sites she usually goes to, and not think of Ricky in the bathroom. It was hard enough to fall asleep the night before with Ricky at the other bed. She really forced her brain think of other things so that she will fall asleep and not think of him at the other bed. He looked so handsome pa naman in his white shirt, and blue pajama and freshly showered. And the smile he gave her after they have said good night, it almost send her to a toss-and-turn-the-whole-night state. Arrgh, Maya Dela Rosa, stop, stop. See, may kausap nga sa phone, may tumatawag pang Lorraine. Temper down that intense attraction and whatever you are starting to feel for him! She admonished herself.

However, Maya was failed miserably with her effort to divert her attention by reading her favorite blogs, and showbiz chismis online so she gave up. She was idly going through her apps, when she accidentally pressed the iBooks icon and remembered the PDF file of the journal that she had saved there. She clicked on the file, and rapidly searched on the part of the journal which Ricky dreamed of. True enough, it was as he dreamed of! Strange, really, really strange as he has not reached that part of the journal yet. She will show Ricky the entry, but maybe not that day as he might still feel the lingering effects of his dream. Baka gusto na rin naman muna niyang makalimutan ang sad dream niya, especially, that it was what really happened to their grandparents.

The door of the bathroom opened while Maya was about to close the file. She looked up, with a smile on her face, and almost dropped her iPad in the process. Ricky emerged from the bathroom, freshly shaven and smelling so nice, and clad only in his towel! OMG!

“Maya, I’m sorry.” Ricky said, smiling sheepishly, seeing that Maya was staring at him. “I forgot to bring my clothes to the bathroom.”

Maya gulped and took a deep breath and blurted out the first words she could think of. “It’s okay, Ricky. Do you need any help?” Then realizing what she said, she got flustered. “Errrr, I mean, do you want me to get your clothes for you. I can just give it to you, para hindi ka na maghalukay. Balik ka na sa banyo.”

“Oh, thank you, Maya. I can manage, I think.” He said. Ricky only realized that he left his clothes outside after he had finished shaving. He had no other recourse except to come out like that, with only a towel wrapped around his waist. “I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Maya stared hard on her iPad screen without really seeing anything, as Ricky rummaged through his shopping bags. She heaved a sigh of relief when he returned to the bathroom. He emerged several minutes later, clad in a violet polo shirt and khaki shorts, taking her breath away still.

“Shall we?” Maya asked, wanting to be out of the room fast. It suddenly looked very small for the two of them. She needed space, lots of space, and air, lots of air, as she felt out of breath! It felt like the oxygen level in the room got thinner that morning!

“Okay. Let me just grab my things, para dire-diretso na tayo sa labas.”

Several minutes after, they were at the hotel’s garden restaurant eating Vigan longanisa, with achara and egg, paired with steaming hot brewed coffee.

“So, what is our plan for today, Maya?” Ricky asked after a while, while they were enjoying their second cups of coffee.

“How about we take a calesa tour of the city and the nearby areas?” Maya suggested.

“Sounds great! That way, makikita natin lahat in one go. Basta if you want to take pictures and may inspiration kang nakita for your painting and such, take your time. Hindi naman tayo nagmamadali. We can also stop along the way and try the food at the interesting restaurants that we would see.

“Okay, thanks for this Ricky. I’m having a wonderful time.”

“You’re welcome, Maya. Pero you don’t have to thank me. Ako rin naman, I’m enjoying our unplanned vacation and road trip, very much!”

The of them left the hotel half an hour later and flagged the first calesa they saw, and start their adventure for the day, looking forward to being with each other again.

Present 

“Ricky, please wake up! Ricky, shhhhh, you are having a bad dream. It is okay, nananaginip ka lang.” Maya said softly while shaking Ricky’s shoulder gently.

Maya woke up when Ricky cried out in his sleep. He seemed to be very much in distress, judging by the tone of his voice. He actually cried out her name. It was what woke her up from her sleep. At first, she was disoriented on where she was, then she looked around, and at the other bed. She saw Ricky tossing and turning and mumbling ‘Maya’ over and over. When he wouldn’t wake up even if she called him several times, she approached his bed and shook him gently.

Ricky slowly opened his eyes, looked at his surroundings, disoriented, feeling very tired and very sad. Then he saw Maya hovering over him, sitting by the side of his bed nearest to hers, with a very concerned expression on her lovely face.

“Maya….” He sat up, then realized where he was, actually. He was in the room in the hotel in Vigan that he was sharing with Maya. He spontaneously hugged Maya as if to check if she is real, and for comfort.  Suddenly, things are not so bad anymore. Maya hugged him back and patted his back, offering comfort. She kept assuring him, that everything is okay.

“Ricky, how are you? I heard you crying out in your sleep. Ginising na kita kasi parang you were having a really bad dream.” Maya said, touching his face, after a while, when she gauged that his breathing has returned to normal. “Parang feeling ko nga, binabangugot ka na.”

“Maya, I’m sorry for waking you up, and thank you sa paggising. Pasensya ka na. Yes, it was a really bad dream. Hindi lang bad, dream, sobrang lungkot pa, and yes, para siyang bangungot. Hindi ko alam why I have dreamed of our grandparents saying goodbye to each other on their last days at the beach house. It was so vivid. Parang nandoon ako, Maya, and I was really experiencing the whole thing.” Ricky told Maya as he hugged her tighter, then he told her about his dream in details.

Maya didn’t interrupt him. She can feel his lingering distress and sadness as he told her about the dream, as if he was really in that dream. She just offered comfort by touching his hands and his arm, from time to time. What Ricky was narrating was familiar to her as well. When Ricky was finished telling her the details of his dream, she cupped his distressed, and very sad, face.

“Ricky, it is familiar as that was what basically happened when our grandparents parted.” Maya said softly, gently. “You dreamed of what your Lolo Ricardo wrote in the journal. Parang pumasok na siguro sa consciousness mo ang nabasa mo sa journal, na-internalize mo na! Parang nandoon ka na kasi iyan ang paglalarawan ng lolo mo sa nangyari sa last days nila ng Lola Maya ko. I felt the same the first time I read the entries in the journal too. Hanggang panaginip nadala ko, and for several days, feeling ko nandoon ako sa past and sobrang affected.”

Ricky was startled to learn that, and blurted out, “But Maya, I haven’t reached that part of the journal! Nandoon pa lang ako sa part na nabanggit ko sa iyo while we were having coffee and chatting in Sta. Maria!”

“Really! Pero…..pero, the way you told it to me, ganoon talaga ang nangyari sa journal! How could it be, that you know even without reading it?” It was Maya’s turn to be surprised, then a thought occurred to her, one which she was reluctant to believe in actually, but how best to explain what is happening.

“ Hindi kaya….but that can’t be, di ba? Posible ba talaga iyon na…? I am not her!” She whispered almost to herself.  She entertained the thought before, but she discarded the idea before. While, she loved the grandmother she had not fortunate to meet or spend time with, she believes that she is her own person.

“That I was relieving it because I was really Lolo Ricardo in my past life?” Ricky finished for her. He had heard about it reincarnation, of course, more than read about the topic. Lorraine is into those, as well as into believing in soul mates, past lives and the likes. but he considers those topics as bits of a mumbo jumbos. “ That I was his reincarnation, and that probably you are your grandmother’s? That somehow, meeting you here in Ilocos, the place where it all started beautifully and ended sadly, and reading the journal, triggered the onslaught of the past for us?”

“Naniniwala ka doon?” Maya asked, astonished to hear it from Ricky. She never thought that he believes in that.

“Not really. But I had an ex-girlfriend who believes in those things.” Ricky said, simply. “But how do we explain that dream and also the deja vu I have been experiencing since I stepped into the beach house and meeting you?”

Then he continued, “You know earlier in the church, I had a deja vu too. I felt like we were there before and that we were about to kiss. It was what happened between our grandparents in my dream, di ba! They were there too, in that church! Besides, I have this feeling that I have known you a long time! Di ba, you told me that you also had deja vu moments, like when you are holding a paint brush and you are in your grandmother’s studio?”

“Yes, but I thought I was just remembering what I have read in the journal. I have read it countless of times. And yes, noong una kong nabasa iyan, sobrang affected din ako and napanaginipan ang mga nabasa ko, and talagang parang I was there. Pero that was after I have read it!” Maya insisted. “Besides, I was reluctant to believe in those kinds of things. Yes, there are really things we can’t explain in this world, but this!…. Yes, I have those deja vu moments, pero…. ”

“I don’t know what to think, Maya. Yes, there are so many things happening in this world that we can’t really fathom, no matter how we much we look for answers and try to understand. You know, to make a logical or a rational explanation out of it. Yes, I will admit, had I met you under different circumstances, I would still be drawn to you, attracted to you. You are beautiful, and as I get to know you, not only that, you are lovely inside out. I feel very happy when I’m with you even if I just met you.”

“Ricky….” Maya blushed. She was not expecting Ricky to say that. At the back of her mind, she also remembered him mentioning an ex-girlfriend earlier.

“It is true, Maya.” Ricky said, gazing at Maya. There he said is. He was not intending to, not this early, he just wanted her to know and to drive a point. He then opted to go back to the topic they were discussing earlier as he suddenly realized that his intense attraction to her is a dangerous topic to bring up when they were in that situation – in the middle of the night and alone in that beautiful room, and her looking so lovely in her sleep-tousled state. Besides, he does not want Maya to be uncomfortable and he promised her that he will be a gentleman.

“Basta ang alam ko sobrang lungkot ko sa panaginip ko.” Ricky said, still hugging Maya. “Parang hindi ko rin ma-discount ang reincarnation na iyan, outright. Come to think of it, both of us were born after our grandparents died di ba, so posible iyon. But let’s leave it at that. Mahirap ipaliwanag and I don’t think we will get answers now. Pakiramdam ko lang, I’m so tired and unsettled.”

“True, pero tama ka, let’s leave at that. Do you want water, Ricky?” Maya asked, seeing that Ricky looked thirsty and quite tired, really. “Sandali, ikukuha kita. Sorry, I forgot earlier! Nag-worry ako ng husto sa iyo.”

“Maya, I can do it.” Ricky insisted, and was about to get out of the bed when Maya stopped him with her hand on his forearm.

Maya got out of Ricky’s embrace, and bed, walked to the small fridge in the corner and grabbed one of the bottled water there. She gave the water to Ricky and sat down on her bed, facing him.

“Thank you again, Maya, very much.” Ricky said after taking several sips. “I don’t usually dream like this. I don’t know what happened to me. I feel drained talaga. Mabuti na lang nandiyan ka.”

“It’s okay, Ricky. I’m glad to be here when this happened. Minsan kasi siguro nadadala natin sa subconscious mind natin ang nangyari sa atin sa totoong buhay.” Maya replied.

“I agree. I’m okay na. Please go back to sleep na. Pati tulog mo na-interrupt ko.” Ricky said. “I think I’ll really be okay na. Lalo na nandiyan ka lang sa kabilang bed.” He added with a smile. “Pahinga ka na. Marami pa tayong pupuntahan bukas.”

“If you are sure, ha.” Maya said, sliding down her bed and arranging her comforter around her. She put her hand on her cheek, then faced Ricky “Basta if you need me,  or hindi ka pa makatulog and you need someone to talk to, gisingin mo lang ako ha. Good night Ricky. Sweet dreams this time.”

“Good night, Maya. Thank you. Just the fact that you are there, beside me, comforted me na. I’m sure makakatulog na ako ng maayos and will have a sweet dream this time.” Ricky said, giving Maya one of his bone-melting lopsided smiles. “Sweet dreams!”

They shared a sweet smile, while gazing at each other tenderly, until Maya got a bit self-conscious again.  Hand, still cradling her cheek, she closed her eyes with a smile on her face.

Before long, Ricky heard her steady breathing, signifying that she was in sleep land. He was really grateful for her presence. He smiled. She really looks so beautiful. He likes her a lot. What he said to Maya earlier was the truth. He was intensely attracted to her, drawn to her in a way he can’t explain. He just want to be with her and he was immensely happy when he is with her, like his heart is singing. It was a feeling he didn’t feel with Lorraine, despite the fact that he had known her practically their entire lives and that they have been together for several years. It was, he realized, something missing in their relationship, this connection he has with Maya. He settled back into his bed and instead of dwelling on his bad dream, and Lorraine, he remembered his wonderful evening, earlier, with Maya.

Maya and him managed to find everything they needed at the shopping complex near the cathedral and the provincial capitol. They took their stuffs back to the hotel, and freshened up. The room was quite big for the two of them, beautifully decorated in wood and other native materials, the beds, looking so soft and inviting, a big LED TV on the wall, between the beds. Maya chose the bed nearest to the door and he took the one after it, near the bathroom.

Maya told him to use the bathroom first as she need to arrange her things and do other women stuffs, she added with a smile. When she came out of the bathroom an hour later, he caught his breath. She looked so lovely in the printed skirt and white blouse that she found in one of the shops. He told her so, and saw her blushed. He noticed it before. It does look so adorable and refreshing when she does that.

They had dinner at an inn near their hotel which offers quite a variety of mouth-watering Ilocano food. They chatted with ease while having dinner. Afterwards, hands intertwined without intending to, they walked along then deserted Calle Crisologo, as well as around the capitol and the plaza in front of the Vigan Cathedral, to shake off the heaviness in the tummies they felt after bingeing on their very splendid dinner. From time to time, they would smile at something they observed as they walked, or simply gave each other a look, a smile, as if to say how happy they are to be with each other, and to be sharing those moments. At least, on his part that’s what he felt. He thought Maya also felt that way, enjoying his company! He hoped so.

The two of them retired to their room around midnight. At first, Ricky thought he would not be able to sleep, too aware of Maya. She slept readily, while he opted to read a bit. It was a good thing he has a book in his phone’s Kindle app, diverting enough to take his mind away from Maya and her lovely self sleeping on the other bed like a babe. He tired himself and finally managed to succumb to that restless sleep and had that terribly sad dream.

It was a good thing, really, that Maya was there. His earlier dream really disturbed him. But he didn’t want to think about it now. Instead he focused his attention on Maya and the continuation of their adventure in the morning. After Vigan and the other areas they are planning to see, he knows where to take Maya in Pagudpud. He just need to make a phone call to make it happen. He smiled. Happy with his plan, and hopes Maya will like it as well.

Taking one more look at Maya’s sleeping form in a fetal position. She really looks adorable when she sleeps, he smiled then succumbed to sleep again and this time, he dreamed of Maya and him locked in a passionate kiss, in a beach, while watching the sun setting on the horizon. It was a very lovely dream, indeed!

Chapter 8

June 20, 1966

Maya and I almost kissed! I tossed and turned that night, replaying that moment in my head, and thinking of what happened after that near kiss in front of the bell tower of the majestic Sta. Maria Church in Bantay where we heard mass that morning! 

It was almost a week by then since Maya and I met each other, a meeting that really changed our lives forever. We spent most of those days with each other. There was just us and this seemingly unquenchable thirst to know every little detail about each other, to spend every moment possible together, as if at the back of our minds, somehow, we knew that were on borrowed time. Though most of those times, I tried to forget that I have another life other than the wonderful one I was having with Maya. It consumed my being. By then I knew that I love her with all my heart. I never felt like that before and I never thought that I would feel like that, like my whole being was on fire for this beautiful and wonderful lady. She was my world and I was like on an all time high when I was with her, even if we were just spending it by the veranda of either of our houses, sipping coffee as we watched the sun to set. I was not completely sure, but I felt that she has feelings for me as well, and that too had fallen in love with me. What I was feeling then can’t be unreciprocated as it was so overwhelming. However, as if by tacit agreement, we never talk about what we really feel for each other. I for one, just decided to show her how I feel about her, through my gestures, my deeds, and by spending most of my waking moment with her. 

When most of the churchgoers have left, we decided to walk around the church grounds, marvelling at the view before us and the ingenuity of the people who have built this beautiful structure dedicated to God and the spiritual well-being of the people of Sta. Maria and the nearby areas! 

We were gazing at the bell tower which was built separately from the church, when suddenly, out of nowhere, a child of about seven, run towards Maya and shyly told her that she is very pretty, like a manika. Maya stopped down, smiled at the little girl and asked her what’s her name. The girl told her that her name is Miriam. Before long, Miriam’s mother came running and apologized profusely, saying that her daughter thought Maya is a doll as she looks so pretty in her long flowing skirt, embroidered blouse, and with her hair loose. She wanted a closer look and wanted to touch the ‘talking doll’. Maya assured the embarrassed mother that it was okay for Miriam to do so, and that she likes Miriam, affectionately ruffling the little girl’s hair, and hugging her as the little girl touched her face. Maya gave the little girl some candies she had in her bag and asked her to wait a bit as she had a treat for it. She got the sketch pad from her bag and draw the little girl, much to her delight and also her mother. 

While this was happening, I was just gazing at Maya and admired how she interacted with the little girl, thinking that she would make a very good mother, and that she is, indeed a very beautiful person inside out, and very caring one too. I wish then that it was our own little girl she was hugging and sketching. 

When Miriam, clutching her sketch, and her mother left, Maya caught me gazing at her intently. She told me she called my attention as I was so deep into my thoughts. Thoughts actually of her and a little girl who looks like her, and maybe a boy who is the spitting image of me, but there is also a bit of his beautiful mother in him.

Maya had to call my attention several times and had to touch my arm, before I was jolted out of that dream and back to where we were. I smiled at her and told her softly that she is very beautiful, inside out, and that she will make a good mother. Maya blushed. We gazed at each other and before we knew it, as if there was a strong force pushing us, our faces got closer and closer to each other. I cupped her chin, angling to kiss her, and then because I can’t help myself, I whispered to her that I love her very much. She was startled, I can see it in her eyes, but didn’t say much, instead I saw love in her eyes after the initial surprise at my words, which she was not expecting I would say at that moment, I guessed. However, before our lips finally met for the first time, several people arrived at where we were, catching their breaths from climbing the 80 plus steps leading to the front of the church.

We looked at each other again, both unsure of that to do next. I took matters into my own hands. I felt that moment that Maya and I needed to talk as it was the first time I declared my feelings for her openly. She must have felt the same as she didn’t protest or say anything when I guided her towards the side of the church overlooking the mountains of Abra. We sat on the low wall, and for several minutes, we stared at the beautiful scenery before in silence, as if absorbing the momentous event that happened in front of the church. With those words that I uttered, the world we created shifted.

Taking a deep breath, I forged on, cupping her chin and looking deeply into her expressive and beautiful eyes, I told Maya that I meant what I have said earlier, that I love her very much, that I have fallen in love with her. That for the first time in my life I am in love, with her, even if I am not free to do so. I heard her catch her breath, then teary-eyed and with a soft, shaky voice, she told me that she felt the same. She confessed that she love me too and that despite everything, she had fallen in love with me. Hearing her said she loves me too was like music to my ears. However, after she did, she got sad, and told me that we can’t be, that there would be no us as it would mean hurting and disappointing our loved ones and that she can’t have it that her happiness would be built at the expense of others, that the two of us had indeed found a love, she knows would last a lifetime as she never felt the feeling she has for be in her entire life, but it happened at the wrong time. 

In my rational mind, I know that what she said was right. But my heart says otherwise. There was a part of me that wanted to forsake everything just to be able to spend the rest of my life with her. We hugged each other, and held hands as we quietly contemplated our situation. My heart sang knowing that she loves me too. But at the same time, I felt this overwhelming sadness that we can’t be, she was right, my rational self admitted. After a while, I told her that I just want to make most of the time I have with her if that is all I will have. It has to last me a lifetime, it has to last us a lifetime. Sometimes, it was not really a matter of how long the moment lasted, I told her, but how that moment was spent. She squeezed my hand and nodded, understanding that our short, intense moment was better than a lifetime of nothing. We decided to live for the moment and squeeze life of every moment we can have with each other. 

From the Sta. Maria church, we traveled to Vigan and nearby areas, putting in more memories for our treasure box of memories, something to remember in the years to come, something to treasure when we finally say goodbye. We returned to our place by the beach late that evening and had dinner at my house. But instead of ending the night after that dinner, and as if we were very reluctant to part that night, we camped out under the stars, chatting and just enjoying each other’s company. When it gotten so cold and, she was almost half-asleep in my arms, I took her home. I hugged her, then squeezed her hand tight, kissed it and uttered a soft good night before I reluctantly left her for the night, consoling myself with the fact that I will see her again the following morning and that we will have several more days together before the inevitability of our parting. 

I spent most of the night tossing and turning and feeling very restless, for some reason I can’t explain. When I managed to fall asleep I was plagued by a series of dream. At one time, I dreamed that Maya and I were walking in the very beach where we met, carrying two beautiful toddlers, a boy and a girl, our twins. Our twins were so happy seeing the waves crashing to shore and then rolling again. We let them play in the sand and help build a big sand castle. I woke up suddenly and got a bit disoriented as to where I was since the dream was so vivid. 

I forced myself to fall asleep again as when I checked the time, it was just three o’clock in the morning. This time I have dreamed that I saw Maya walking along the beach, but away from me. I called her, several times, but she didn’t seem to hear me and continued walking towards the opposite direction, until she disappeared into the night. I woke up drenched in sweat and feeling very distressed. I felt so tired. I didn’t realize then that was a foreboding of what was coming.   

The next thing I knew, there was a knock on my door and I felt very tired. I remembered feeling a heaviness in my heart which I can’t explain. I checked the clock and realize that I overslept. It was already 10 o’clock in the morning. Manang Felicing told me, when I opened the door, that Maya was downstairs, waiting for me. I smiled and felt lighter. Maya was there and knowing that, dispelled the bad feelings I was having.  

When I went down, I immediately sought Maya where I knew she would be, eager to catch a glimpse of her. True enough, she was standing by the veranda, looking out the beautiful view before her. As if sensing my presence, she turned, but instead of the sunniest smile, one that lit up and transformed her face, that she gives me every time we see each other, her face was etched with sadness. I also noticed that she was dressed more formally, as if she was about to take a long trip. Beside her propped against the wall was rectangular material. It looked like one of her canvases.

Maya gave me a sad smile, hugged me tight and told that she is going back to Manila that morning. Her father has sent their family driver the night before and asked her to return to Manila as soon as she can as her fiance is in the hospital. He had an accident and in a serious condition. Hearing that, I felt the heaviness I was feeling doubled. I knew then that it was the end for the two of us. She touched my face, saying softly, sadly, that maybe it was better this way as it would have been so much harder for the two of us, to part, that maybe, fate has intervened as we were not meant to be. She told me, that maybe in another lifetime we will meet again, we will seek each other again, and we will be free then to love one another. She told me that she will not love another and that I will be forever in her heart. I professed the same to her. My heart was breaking into million pieces. 

I told her I will love her until to my dying days and if finding her in another lifetime is possible, that is the first thing I will do. I hope that fate will be kinder to the two of us then. I embraced her tight, holding on to her and not wanting to let her go. I then cupped her face and lowered my lips to her. We kissed, and kissed as there was no tomorrow, putting our feelings in those, letting each other know of our love for each other with the fusion of our physical selves. With tears flowing from her eyes, and mine too, we kissed one last time, before she said a soft goodbye. I walked her to the car that would take her away from me, forever. I stayed at the gate of the beach house, long after the dust has settled, and I can’t see the sight of my beautiful love. 

I went back to the veranda. I never knew how I made it back there in the state I was in. I felt like I died a thousand times. I sank into the wicker chair, shell shock. My gaze caught the object that Maya left there. We never gotten around to looking at it or her telling me about it. My name was on the Manila paper protecting it, and when I removed the wrapper, I gasped. It was a painting of me, the one Maya was working on, but refused to show me, no matter how I teased her about it. It was an image of me I have not seen, a happy, carefree me, looking out of the canvas, with so much love on my eyes, to the person I was gazing at, my beautiful Maya. Unknowingly, Maya has captured it in her canvas. It was obvious that she saw a part of me that no one had seen before, and that the painting was done with love. I saw her name scrawled on the bottom of the painting. I touched it reverently, lovingly, sadly. With tears in my eyes, I stared at the painting for how long, I can’t remember. I mourned, until deep into the night, the love that was not meant to be. I didn’t sleep at all.

Two days after Maya left, I packed my bags too and returned Manila. I just can’t bear to stay in that place anymore. Everything was bleak, as if the place was leached of all colors when she left. I tried walking along the beach, trying to think of our happy memories together, instead of the sadness of our parting, but I failed miserably. All I felt was this immense sadness. Taking with me the painting and the photos that the photographer delivered the day after Maya left, I headed back to my reality. A whole lifetime without her! How I still miss her so!